Life just rolls on at the exact same pace as always. The only thing that really changes our perception of time is hindsight. My perception of time gets very twisted when I am looking backwards. In the moment, good times always end too soon and bad times seem to last forever. But when I view time in retrospect, it always seems to flow in a nice evenly spaced way. For me this is true with the best and the worst times I have had. In my mind, my 10 years of drug addiction don’t feel like they take up any more space than the hours it took my kids to be born. Did some events impact me more than others? I would assume so but it all seems so selective in my brain.
I am a firm believer that our lives and character are shaped by the hard times that we face. As humans we are not built to learn much from the things that come to us easily. When we struggle, we learn. When we suffer, we grow and adapt. If we don’t adapt, we perish. I know it’s not that simple but it’s not too far from the truth. Those that attempt to avoid pain and suffering are probably not capable of real fulfillment in life. I have no proof of that other than my own personal experience. For me, all change comes thru pain. Otherwise why would I bother to change?
Today, I will ride my bike in a circle or a rectangle and I will try to push myself closer to reaching a very cloudy and elusive goal. The closer the “finish” gets, the more I think about the next adventure. I am trying to fight off those thoughts and actually be “present” for the rest of this journey but it’s tough. My mind automatically searches for the next source of possible fulfillment. It’s like a default in my system. This would be true for me no matter what the result of Running America was. I am restless and always will be. I can live with that.
Marshall is not restless right now. He is working. I have not seen him for days but I am sure he is just focused on forward progress. What an amazing journey he has had. I am sure he will be happy to be finished and even happier to return to his quiet life in Colorado. His ability as a runner is truly inspiring.
Thanks to all of you that continue to comment and support me and Marshall and our goals. I have heard from many family members of mine. That has been a really welcome surprise. We are a family of very independent people so we don’t spend much time together. It is really nice to know that this run has added some new common ground for us.
First and foremost, I am just a runner. In my craziest daydreams, I could never have imagined the places that running would take me in my life. I hope I can do this forever.
Charlie
Charlie,
We can do anything we set our minds to do, espically since we got rid of the insanity by being sober in our lives. Again I am so proud of you and wish you the best of luck. You have proven that we can all be winners in our lives if we want to, we just have to set goals and put our minds to it. You are truly amazing and know that you have touched so many lives on this run and even troubled ones that can say wow, Charlie Engle did it, why can’t I. I have a picture that I want to send to you when we were both just born and our parents holding us and comparing us in Fuquay. That will always mean so much to me and would like for you to have a copy, we were just 5 and 6 weeks old. The first Engle grandchildren. Also in my collage that Grandmother made for me has you and I as young children. I am so proud of you and know you will always be on top. Keep doing what you are doing and inspiring so many lives, and you are the winner in our family. Please take care of yourself as we only have one life to live and impact you make on so many.
Love,
Beth-Charlies cousin
Comment by Beth Engle Norton — October 30, 2008 @ 1:09 pm
I can’t express enough how ecited and proud I am for you! You are proof that one person can truely make a differnce in this world. The next adventure will be just as exciting I am sure! Don’t get too dizzy riding in circles and squares
Have a great day!
Comment by Dr, Juli — October 30, 2008 @ 1:44 pm
Hey Charlie. Through thick and thin,we have been with you on this great adventure. We are so proud of you and your accomplishments! Can’t wait to see you back in the ‘boro’!
The Gutierrez Family (CA,AZ,& NC)
Comment by Carlos Gutierrez Jr. — October 30, 2008 @ 3:54 pm
It’s been great fun following along as you and Marshall cross the country. I’ve enjoyed your longer posts since you started biking. The reduced pain must have allowed more blood get to your brain and stimulated your creative side. I look forward to getting together and sharing stories about the last couple months.
Comment by Patrick Burns — October 30, 2008 @ 7:23 pm
Carlie: Thank YOU for the tremendous inspiration. Your ability to communicate is a unique asset. Hope to see you on the trail one of these days….Hang in there tough guy!! Your pal, Jack
Comment by Capt. Jack — October 31, 2008 @ 12:33 am
Nej, nej. “the older I get, the faster I was”, but actually “the older I get, the better I am”.
Enjoy NY Charlie!
Comment by Elisabeth — October 31, 2008 @ 3:29 am
Charlie, time for a little humor in all your introspective thoughts…by the way, a book of your writings should be in the works…surely you realize your gifts…I know…I know…don’t call you Shirley…:-)
So this guy is sitting on a beach in California and contemplating his life when a booming voice is heard from the heavens… and GOD speaks…”Charles, you have been such a faithful servant all these years, teaching children how to bring healthier food and exercise into their lives, you’ve touched so many along the long road you have traveled and now I want to grant you a wish…”
Charles gives deep thought and says…” well, it’s funny you should ask, as I was just sitting here thinking I wish there was a highway from California to Hawaii as I love that island and one has to fly to get there…”
GOD’s voice booms out over the ocean… “CHARLES! You are truly being selfish now…do you have any idea how long it would take to build this road… do you have any idea how many men may die building this road, and the cost of the materials to build your road? please Charles, would you think of a less selfish wish…”
Charles sat very still for a long period of time and as if a light went off in his head he jumped up and said…”OH I KNOW… well obviously you know how many times I have been married, and how many relationships I have had…it’s been so tough to try to figure out what makes a woman feel good, what do I say to make her happy, to make her feel complete?
GOD says…
“DO YOU WANT THAT TO BE A 2 LANE OR A 4 LANE HIGHWAY?
(I see you laughing
Soon Charlie…soon…:-)
L., Joy
Comment by Joy Taylor — October 31, 2008 @ 7:26 pm
Hey Charlie,
Thanks for “sharing your thoughts” about the limits of pain you experienced. Early in the journey, when you were suffering so much, the questions you asked yourself were very thought provoking.
For us guys, a little older and fatter, we have this dialog, with ourselves, every morning, just to get up and work the kinks out, so we can do something productive.
Thanks for lowering the bar, so I could jump over it.
I hope these memoirs or dairy will be available; it will rival “One flew over the Cuckoo’s nest”.
The boys at the Friday night meeting are pulling for you. We love and admire you.
Bob McConnell
Comment by Bob McConnell — November 1, 2008 @ 12:22 am